Bike Rack (In)Sanity

Well, there's probably no better place than DC to demonstrate the ass-kicking and corralling power of bike rack, especially at a giant Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear. Nice work, Mssrs. Stewart and Colbert. I tip my hat off to you.

While normally, I will mostly post photos taken by myself or my comrades out there in the World, every once in awhile there comes a photo so expertly snapped of my favorite subject that it bears mention in this humble blog. Credit, Getty Photos.

There's even an awkward pun in the title of the news story! For that, FOUR bicycles out of four.

Story accessible here!

Wet bike rack contest in Kalamazoo

While I may not exactly be super sexy in my full blue rain slickers (and yes, it was the kind that had overall attachments on the pants), the bike rack sure is. Whoo! Wet bike rack!

Okay, not quite the same as wet t-shirt contest, but hey, this is a blog about bike rack. What do you expect?

Anyway, nothing like a damp site build in Kalamazoo, Michigan. Naturally, game day was nice and dry and actually sunny. The build day, not so much, which was annoying - moving cold, wet bike rack in the rain is not super pleasant.

Kind of sad I left the Smurf suit in my hotel room, but I do still have my rain boots from that day, so that's a good TWO bicycles out of four.

Lebanese-flavored bike rack

I've seen a lot of different bike rack coverings - from bunting (my personal favorite) to black or blue Banjo fabric, to some weird tablecloth-like plastic, and even placards taped on in a futile attempt to cover the metallic gray expanses of welded piping.

But somehow, the spray-painted variety has totally escaped my notice and my clearly limited and stunted imagination.

Today's lesson in decorative bike rack comes from J.Slider and Spicy, from a jaunt abroad in Beirut. Clearly, instead of leaving bike rack to be a cold silver, they jazz it up with some spray paint in the motif of their national flag. I mean, why didn't anyone think of this before? So simple. So patriotic.

Words totally fail me.

Which is rare. (And short-lived.)

Anyway, you can see it being deployed here giving some color and cheer to an event with some heavy-duty military equipment in the background. It really makes the par-tay pop, don't you think? I think that home decorations dude with the extra H in his name from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, Thom or something, would totally approve of the DIY-ness of the whole affair.

I give this bike rack THREE out of four bicycles - I'm withholding one star because the Lebanese could have gone the extra mile and put the tree on there too.**

** Although, let's face it - if and when I get ahold of my own piece of bike rack, and paint it in the manner of Old Glory, I may skip the whole fifty stars business. I mean, it's bike rack - it ain't going in the Smithsonian.

How not to do bike rack in San Francisco

Well, well. I feel that as a former San Francisco resident, I have an obligation to educate my old hood on how NOT to do bike rack.

This, my friends, is bike rack at its saddest.

On the ground. Forlorn, forgotten. Not fulfilling its destiny to separate people and keep them in certain areas. Photo and evidence of neglect submitted by a watchful Smoove Move.

Its just sad, sad bike rack.

Look, San Francisco. I understand your Giants are heading to the World Series. Whoopee. I hope when your teeming masses decide to get out there and celebrate like it's the Folsom Street Parade on (even more) steroids, you corral them with the best bike rack possible, and treat it with dignity and respect.

Clearly, ZERO bicycles out of four bicycles. For shame, San Francisco. FOR SHAME.

City of lights...and bike rack

Ah yes. As far as landmarks go, you really can't get more iconic than the Eiffel Tower, now, can you?

Probably not.

But when you throw in some super awesome bike rack - it gets sooo much better, doesn't it?

I am a little surprised at the French. Don't you think they would have come up with something a little more chic and less proletarian to corral the masses?

Or do you think it's because only the ugly Americans go to these tourist traps that they find bike rack the ideal way to trap and corral us?

Either way - this shows that bike rack is truly universal.

Second photo: bike rack at the Louvre. Really, you can't get more approval than that - I mean, I think bike rack is art. (Clearly, I have a damn blog about bike rack.) Can't more arty than at the Louvre, non?

Bike rack doing it's thing in the most fashionable city in the world: at least TWO bicycles out of four.

Bike rack in hot sweaty action in Albany, NY

While the focus of this blog will be of bike rack - and mostly bike rack only - sometimes you gotta see it in context and at work, even if it's not the focal point (to most people).

Don't get me wrong - I like basic photos of bike rack in all it's unadorned glory. People, that's what you should be sending me.

However, it may be impractical to delve into your iPhoto library hunting for that solitary shot of metal curves against international backdrop. I understand your pain.

So here are two photos of bike rack at work as I love it best - at a rally in Albany, NY, as sent in by someone I will refer to as Smoove Move. You know who you are.

Check out the treatment here: The bunting lovingly draped, the way the crowds are starting to press up, hoping for a handshake, nay, a glimpse of their candidate. Maybe just an autograph. Maybe a private smile or look their way. Others are too shy, holding back, until the candidate takes the stage - and then they rush in big, great waves until they can't go forward no more - the bike rack penning them in.

Ahem. As you were. (No more Danielle Steele novels before blog time, apparently.)

Anyway, bike rack in the States + bunting = good ol' American values. And that, folks, gets at least THREE bicycles out of four.

How to decorate your bike rack in Mexico City

There comes a time when you feel your bike rack is a little plain.

Too gray. Too utilitarian.

Very sad.

Fortunately, there's a plethora of ways to fancy-up your garden variety bike rack. And today's lesson comes from the very resourceful children of Mexico City (and the aforementioned D.Ceasar FTW), who decided that oh, no. Their bike rack was NOT up to standards for their distinguished visitor visit.

That's right folks: wallpaper. Or is that gift wrap? Floral sheets?

Either way, the colorful pinata method works for many things, and bike rack is amongst that many things. Unfortunately for us, bike rack isn't particularly good at hiding candy. Or for hitting. You could hurt yourself.

This rates a solid TWO bicycles out of four.

Imperial Palace of Japan Bike Rack

And so we begin - today's very special bike rack comes courtesy of one D. Ceasar, straight from the royals of Japan.

Man, the Japanese really are better at everything - note their neat signs, double-wide stature and

wheeled appendages. Those be some fancy-pants barricades.

They've even managed to put some English on there to deter the riff-raff from even THINKING of breaching the secure area. Color me impressed.

I give this bike rack a rating of FOUR bicycles, out of four.

Bike Rack Around the World

I'm an advance person. Which means I go ahead of a principal (generally a politician/elected official), in advance of their arrival, and make sure their movements are secured and everything is set in place, whether it be a meeting, a rally, or a press conference. While it seems like this could be an almost...glamorous job (lots of travel to interesting places, face time with high-profile public figures, inside information on sensitive material - ok, maybe not the last part), lots of times it takes a ton of grunt work. Like, lots of grunt work.

This is where bike rack comes in.

Bike rack, for most of the world, is generally an object, generally about eight feet long in length and three and a half feet tall, constructed of metal tubing and used for either:

a) storing bicycles not in use

b) some sort of barricade seen at rock concerts, marathon runs, or any other blocking off public space for some purpose.

For me, it's b) and so much more.

Bike rack is used everywhere for political events - to create a "buffer" area from the stage to the crowd, to corral the press, to create defined space somewhere that otherwise might be undefinable. It's both the greatest thing since sliced bread and the most annoying thing ever - mostly cause it's unwieldy, (usually) quite heavy and the biggest pain to store, transport and even unlock from one another.

Which is why it catches my eye every time I go somewhere and I see a mass of it.

What really piques my interest is how this barricade system - once only used for the lowly purpose of storing bikes not in use - became the go-to way for crowd control. I mean, this stuff is everywhere! Not just in the US, but across the earth.

Bike rack has gone global.

The purpose of this blog is to record sightings of bike rack. World-wide. Truly, people, we are all one people if the way we corral each other is to use bike rack. I mean, we can achieve world peace - our differences cannot be so obtuse if we're blocking off entrances to things with the same method, right? Right.

If you have a photo of bike rack - send it my way, with the location of the photo and how it was being used, to ciskandar (at) gmail (dot) com.

Photo of bike rack above - off the Champs Elysee in Paris.

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